Friday, 28 December 2012

MUKOMBOTTI DIARIES


During the holidays I always go back to the basics and this time I chose to do it with a pot of Malos. These heights from the local beer are quite the stuff of legend. The euphoria they bring with a taste of things past and how they slide over you; enveloping you in a magical haze of quiet contentedness was very refreshing and calming.
 No matter how far you fly somehow you always need to get back to the basics. Every year I get a fresh start; this is me hitting my restart button or should I say refresh; from here I get to launch into a space unmarred by my past and the only non-blank spot is my mind filled with memories of  my starting point. Here I find my compass and direction and like a master painter with bold strokes I use my memories to forge a new path using the old to create the new. I always find a plan knowing that without fail the master lifesmith will create the obstacles necessary for the story to be interesting in order for my plan to be a success story because like every great artist the challenge is in the journey not the creative process.
I think even God didn’t wanna spoil the surprise of envisioning what his creation will do and he gave them freewill which at one point may run crazily out of control that’s when he comes in and puts it back to a manageable track. If he ever envisioned how wide our imagination and creativity could go I think he would have gotten rid of the idea of free will or maybe he’s such a strong guy; he chose to risk it and let us surprise him. But how did we keep up with the link to him in the first place because we had the potential to stray so far away from him. How did we ever get to a point when we realized we needed a higher power to stay in charge?? How did we get so beautiful yet so utterly disgusting? How does such a good thing cross a line so dangerous and why do good things get so bad? Why are we ever fighting to break free of our moral constraints and why do they feel like constraints when they are apparently inherently good for us. And if we have so called free will isn’t these moral constraints part of the problem, hindering our inherent nature to be free to do whatever; was that God’s clever plan to keep us in check while keeping up the illusion that we are in fact free? Do we get punished for exercising our free will or only when the exercising of that free will hinders the expression of the free will of others? How far can our free will really stray? There is a leash, the trouble is in deciding if that leash is good for us or not. I look at the dogs on a leash and we know it’s for their protection but then if a dog truly loved his master, he would stay close without the requirement of a leash and he would probably know better but since our crime is that we don’t know better hence the need for a leash right?? Well on the bright side not really knowing better is the fun part. Let the almighty worry about our safety, we were born to experience life not discern its complexities; so enjoy the simplicity of being a mortal pips.
The problem with free will is that we are forever testing how far we can stretch it, when do we ever settle for what works for us? I know that probably somebody somewhere out there pities me for my principles and someone else admires them? Every time someone compliments me on how good I am, I am only reminded of how much more wanting I feel or of everything that makes me imperfect.
Some people are more for a particular stance. Am not one of those people. My stance is way more complicated but why do I feel like am wrong for being like this? But what makes the rest of us right for being different from my non-stance? For instance I don’t like something but don’t mind it either, that doesn’t bother me. How do I choose a side which I don’t have?  I might be standing on the sidewalk not sure if it’s my place or a temporary position. I feel everything infinitely deeper but outstandingly vaguer because I find no meaning and no answers. My definition is not a swimmer or a writer or a teacher; I could be a lover but does it count? I have an infinite ear for music even that frowned upon by a different me trying to be like a conformer.
I just lost track of my thoughts …

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