Sunday, 6 January 2013

TWENTY SIX


Prologue
This is our love story because we need to have it written to remind us where we are coming from. One day I hope to read it to you, all of it so that you can really understand what I mean when I say ‘I love you …’

TWENTY SIX
Tired of feeling like the greatest guy in the world only in my head or to one certain lovely girl; time for the world to meet the lovey world of Captain Awesome A.K.A yours truly.
My name is Conrad but to the world of those who love me and have gotten to experience me deeply; I go by the name of Captain Awesome and soon you may get to find out why.
Yesterday was my twenty-sixth birthday and for the first time in six years I broke tradition and did not write my anniversary article on the dawn of the day because I was busy experiencing it from the first instant it started to the last. It started with a video skype conversation with my beautiful girlfriend Peaches real name Jasmina and it ended with a bunch of great friends, good food, awesome drinks and amazing music partying with me to welcome another year of awesomeness. So I excuse myself for not keeping up with my little tradition but instead decided to get to it on this quiet day. I start out very hung-over and half awake but I was this really amazing story that is struggling to be told and as always I could never say no when inspiration beckons. Usually on the dawn of my birthday I write about my past or my present, family or myself and usually my pieces are deeply personal they never make it any public blogs because they are more of a self reflection piece but this year am doing things differently; am going bold and sharing the most personal story I ever told because I feel it is too beautiful to be kept to myself. This time instead of writing about myself, this time I dedicate this to my present which is pretty much my love story …

My present can be summed into two words: Jasmina Mladenovic
She is my number 1 person in the WWW (whole wide world) and I love her like love. If love had a human incarnation (except of course Jesus) or a taste I can pin point, it would be her. She is the embodiment of everything I have thought of regarding love and everything I have ever dreamt of having, literally. So I dedicate my twenty-sixth year to her.
Being twenty-five was mainly about looking forward to Jasmina; I want to have twenty-six as my being with her. I have already experienced a snippet of what it is like to be with JMlad and it has by far been the greatest feeling in the world. I just got back from my first euro vacation with her which ended about 10 days ago in Istanbul and it was everything I imagined it would be and more; so right now I am blissfully in the right place and frame of mind to write this story which has been long in-coming.

On July the eleventh two thousand and nine (11th.7.2009) I was concluding my time in Belgrade where I had gone for the World University Games known as the 25th Universiade. I was twenty-two and I thought I was in love with a good girl back at home #PleaseDontJudgeMe… hence forth this article is filled with snippets of bits quoted from over the the years as written down by me and never posted because they were incomplete until she turned a reality in my life. I guess I have been waiting for the perfect moment to write this because I thought that the day she eventually becomes a part of my daily life in person would be the day I officially declare what she means to me to the whole world in an epic story but that seems like already a story in itself for as much as I couldn't fathom it, she already is a part of my world distant or close and this timing couldn't have been more perfect.

Jasmina came at a time when I yearned for somebody to get me in ways that even I didn't realize were possible. We've all had special people of our childhoods, our pasts and so forth, well she is the special person of my future and this right here is my future and gosh did I hit the Jackpot. I met my dream 3 and a half years ago (which makes her the one person I have been in love with the longest ever) in a party place called Magacin, Belgrade. I saw her across a crowded room more than full of people in a dingy, smoky hazy place but even then she stood out. I walked about 20 metres which in reality felt like 100 meters because of all the people I had to squeeze through to get to her.  I don’t know if you have ever dreamt of a person you haven’t even met yet; in retrospect I feel like I did which is all in this account I have based on a dream I had one night in my campus days called “Love Angel” only that I didn't know back then that my dream would literary turn into a reality. Miss Love Angel does really exist and she’s now Miss Captain Awesome.
Love Angel
On the 16th of July 2009 I wrote …
“Life’s moments are more beautiful now that they are gone but am glad coz feeling is better than being. Being here is alone in this room reminiscing about Belgrade and missing what I can never experience again. It’s kinda sad but for now I am happy to live in my memories. Being is feeling … God am so thankful” -Journal of the Great
Feeling is the love I feel for you right now on this 1st day of my 26th year of 2012 going into 2013. You are my Belgrade and I should have been more optimistic peaches.

Our story starts from July 2009. That awesome beautiful morning of the 11th July 2009 and in order to understand my impression of what it felt like I have to take you back to the very beginning before I ever knew I would meet you and what it was like after I met you so here is the beginning story ...
URBAN DREAM) …
Read STILL CG

Read BEOGRAD

I knew that one day I had to confront my past; use it to explain my present. I didn’t know this was the day and I have to use it to make sense of myself but I guess the starting point of my adulthood has to be an explanation of my childhood; only then will I ever get closure from my childhood so I can fully immerse myself in my future and writing this I already can feel that sense of closure. I am also traveling back in time as I re-read the articles I need to write this which makes this whole writing experience even more special because what I have to write I have already written and I just hope that you that I am writing to can relate to it as deeply as I am …
So with this coffee break we dive back into my life/love history. Experiencing the best moment of your life does not translate into a perfect hustle free life; having the best only makes you realize that there’s so much more to fight for, gives you a higher purpose and a deeper reason to fight even harder … on Thursday 27th August 2009 I was going through this TURMOIL and that was the first time I admitted what I really felt for you.
Here is a quote of what it felt like to have met you; to say hello …
“The sound in hello carries along with the wind to you. There’s hollowness in it; it echoes forlornly, it depicts the beginning of a deep longing. The repeat of Hello brings desperation and despair in what was there a second ago or what was expected but is now gone for sure or hopefully for a second. It is sometimes met with a silence so heavy all hope is crushed …”
But that’s if there’s no reply. If fortunately there’s a reply, here is what it is like …
“… but just as the hope sinks into a deep abyss there comes the sound of “Hi” like a sweet breeze it fires the dying light flickering pathetically back to a full blaze of shimmering brightness; it rises higher and the heart soars with it and all hope is revived”
That is what you did for me when you came into my life peaches …
“so like Hello and Hi our lives thrive on responses, respond to yours and be healed, ignore it and it will die out to nothing”
- quoted from Journal of the Great 

The excerpt above is a dedication to the one thing that has kept our relationship alive- communication. I love those hours long chat sessions we have regardless of whether we've had a long annoying day or a short boring one with nothing worth mentioning, whether we are happy or sad, whether we are broke or just paid, drunk or sober (heheheheehe I know you love those, crazy chic) tired or fresh, night or day. We never fail in talking, fighting, arguing, saying sweet nothings, dreaming and building castles in the air we never fail almost every single day as far back as memory can serve, it has been the one constant in our lives and gosh have I lived for those chat sessions, I look forward to them, now I am happily addicted to hearing from you.
Whether audio, texted, or video we always keep in touch and I think I speak for both of us when I say I am glad for technology and how it has enabled us to be in close contact with each other under almost every circumstance. I asked you one day if I have changed you in anyway and you said that I changed you; turned you into a cyber girl because you used to hate hanging on computers but you started to because of the need to communicate with me whenever possible but what you don’t realize is that you changed me too. It was you that introduced me to Skype and the day I discovered online chatting it has been the best drug I ever picked up. As any guy anywhere would tell you, we wanna have the best of everything so through all the Skype upgrades and all the other online chat applications I perfected and acquired everything I needed to keep a constant tab on you communication wise. My internet lifestyle has largely evolved to suit this purpose and I thank you for that because in part you started the whole process for me.

Even after almost four years, talking to you is the highlight of my days especially the late really deep intimate stuff. I love the beyond physical way we express the love I feel for you and I think the transcript of my telepathic conversations with you in person are beyond any love story I have seen, heard, written or ever imagined. You comfort my loneliness; without you I would truly be lost and trust me when I say I have a pretty good idea what living without you can be. I remember our first break up which in reality wasn’t even a break up because we weren’t even dating yet which is probably the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone, losing something you never really had in the first place. I was in an internet café and after that conversation I actually felt like my world was literary ending. I felt like nothing, like I had nothing left in my world, like everything I have ever worked for just turned to ashes, blown away with the wind. I was empty handed and worthless. I had no reason to continue living … that was the time I realized you were my soul mate. 
Thank God there’s nothing like the human will to survive. I allowed myself to wallow in my sorrow for a while and that same day I decided I’s had enough of taking no for an answer from people in this case another girl ever again ( ohh the story of our lives, poor dudes) it had to be you.
I spent the next year proving that I wasn’t wrong or alone in this and I am glad I never gave up even when you pushed me away for our sanity’s sake; holding out for you is the hardest most beautiful thing I have ever accomplished.
Through the suffering and tough times, the distance and the waiting for us to be together again, you’ve been with me in my heart; I have been alone in this and that’s what makes us tough to break. I remember the first time I was truly free to express how I feel about you coz for months I was wrecked with guilt that I had feelings for you and I couldn’t turn them off when it seemed like a bad idea to fall in love with a girl halfway across the globe and also because of my situation back at home. I lost communication with you for a month; the most torturing month of my year and when I finally made up my mind what I wanted; here is the message I sent you …
hey peaches; am beyond excited at the prospect of chatting with you 2mo n can’t wait. I wish it was possible to chat with u on my mobile which I have been using quite a lot lately to access the net and I will be sending you emails every chance I get. Today I spent time on the net reading your old emails and though u claim to not know how to write, all those emails you sent me are so beautiful they go straight to my ragged heart n u really know what to say to make a guy feel awesome and special and … emotional ”
In those emails I was so moved by the depth of feeling you had for me that sometimes it was hard to breathe literally. I can only say that you make me happy beyond my dreams, I will never be able to wrap my thoughts around the fact that you are truly in love with me of all people and I can only hope that I will be able to make you feel the way you make me feel.

The hardest thing as I said was having to say bye to you. With One Last Look I portray my artistic impression of what it was like to meet you and separate from you never to feel your touch until three long years later … (playing It Ends Tonite-All American Rejects as you read this)
Playing Wherever You Will Go – The Calling as you continue to read this
I am gazing at a picture of you; one you gave me a little after we met. It’s a close up of you. One I had hanging on my wall but which I have since replaced for a fresher one. You were showing off your dreaded hair (I love your natural curls best BTW) I love the faint mischievous smile on your face and the look in your eyes which seems to say “for my chocolate” I actually imagine you saying that when I look at you. Even the years before I was sure we could ever work out, I had a picture of you on my wall to ward off potential females that my heart has already been taken by one so fair. Even back then before my head admitted it, my heart knew that I loved you Peaches.
2009 finally rolled away and I said goodbye to the year I met you with an aching bleeding broken heart. On the first day of the new year twenty-ten I dedicated my 2nd edition of my journal to you and promptly named it after you because it felt like the next chapters of my life were what would fill those pages. Here’s the first letter I wrote you …
Read  NEW YEAR

And now you have been in that horrible little boy’s room; I am amazed you didn’t mind staying in it; I can only say you are tougher than we are led to believe. And that’s what’s been special about this year spent with you in person finally. You are way more than what meets the eye
Babe you changed the course of my life. I was never the same after Belgrade. I came back a different person, my entire experience in Belgrade opened my eyes to what I really wanted in life; to broaden my spectrum, to come out of my comfort zone, to dare to dream beyond my horizons, to believe in things impossible, to risk everything for something I believed in, to never accept without question anymore but most of all to do what needs to be done, to overcome my fear of displeasing others just so I could achieve what’s best for everybody in the long run, to follow my heart …
Before Belgrade, I was stuck in my past; I pretty much felt like the best years of my life were already behind me, my happy years were over and the fun part was no more. I could not picture how things could ever get any brighter than they already have been. I felt like I was merely existing on 70% like the passion for life had been dimmed forever; I had no ambition because I had no motivation to move forward; I was sort of stuck in the present; fearful of taking drastic steps; afraid to leap towards my destiny and then I met you …
I remember how dazed I was on the flight back to Uganda; I stared out my window just letting all the thoughts of the life behind me fly by like the clouds and all of it was like a dream I was just waking up from; after all those years of slumber, I had woken u and I didn't really know who I was anymore and what I had to do and when I got back I was in that numb mode for a while until I started having those conversations with you online; only then did I start feeling alive again. The more we talked, the more I realized that that’s where I wanted to be, what I needed; where my life should be heading; you gave me direction.
In an extract of my imagination written after a workout in the pool I had shortly after I came back, this is what it was like; this is what I would write about that moment of clarity
“your thoughts flood into your mind as you stare at the blue line at the bottom of the pool; the clarity of the water is the clarity in your head, unfortunately even the emotions you have been tryna hide show up. Afterwards you hide in the toilets coz you wanna be alone. The walls closed around you, you feel safer and you wish you could hide out there forever. Back in the real world, you've closed your mind off to all the noise and chaos, in your eyes breathes the calming sounds of your playlist; the lyrics blind you from all the pain around you, all the suffering as you stroll past, you just pass through it, all your senses are tuned into the beautiful sounds of your music. You never see it coming until you feel the tap on your shoulder. You turn around and you see her.
Everything stops. Everything starts …
You loved being stuck up in a world of your own until now. There she was just standing there.
“oops! Sorry!” she said and walked away.
You just stood there, speechless still trying to process what just happened.
“wait!” you yelled just before she  disappeared. She turned around with questioning eyes but more so, there was a smile and that smile is what made your mind up.
“Hi, am lost”
“what??”
“I mean my name is lost” you blurted out unsure of what you’re saying.
“hi lost”
You smiled and suddenly you didn't know what to say, you never had to say anything to anyone. You long gave up on that … until now.

Without intention I started going to work earlier during my part time days just so I could talk to you before my duties and also staying at work later because I needed your company before I could get home. I am amazed at the level of innovation and the lengths I went to stay in touch with you. I smile at the memory of the codes we developed to signal each other, at the number of times I had to beep your phone to signal that I had found an internet connection somewhere, that I was online and waiting to talk to you. I am amazed that I could afford to stay in touch with you regularly even when I personally didn't own a computer, chat friendly mobile phone, modem or sometimes the money to spend in an internet café. Somehow I always managed to access a means to communicate with you. I would tread to MUK so that I could use my former faculty IT lab or get to work office earlier so that I could have at least one hour of chat time with you; luckily I found you awake most times. Luckily at that point, the boys I shared the flat with back in the city miraculously seemed to have access to way more internet than they needed. I would borrow Prince’s laptop and Skype chat with you until he needed it back, then I would borrow Moze’s N series Nokia to mobile Skype chat with you and that turned out to be work for us the best for a while. I would wait patiently for him to get back from work and soon as he stepped through the doors, I would pounce on his phone. We would text for hours on end; I would smile till my jaws hurt-I still do, we talked about everything and anything and I always could hardly wait to download on you the highlights and low-lights of my days and those seemed to come in plenty more so after I met you. I loved the curious ways you responded and the little grammatical errors and miss-spelling in your text speeches sometimes too cute to correct.
For the first several months in touch with you after Belgrade I had no idea what you sounded like because I couldn't afford to call you. I can never forget the joy I felt to hear your voice for the first time. It was one day at the work office when I decided to try out the audio Skype and gosh I could not contain the excitement at hearing your voice. It was deep and sweet and heavily Euro-eastern accented. It was exotic to me and I loved every second of that short conversation, I don’t remember saying much after the initial hello-hi. We just laughed gleefully at finally being able to talk to each other that way. I remember asking you to say my name again and again several times and I was amazed at how well you pronounced my Surname because it sounded so hot coming from you. Hence forth I started looking for all means to hear your voice again.



Now if this is what it was like on hearing your voice for the first time; imagine what it felt like to do video with you for the very first time. I mean I know you don’t have to imagine, you already know because you were looking right at me too just that it was such a treat finally see your lovely face, watch you smile, you are always smiling. I loved when you let your hair down and catch the curls all over your face. By that point in time I had already seen several pictures of you but looking at you in person or in video was a much better delight.
And so forth it progressed from texting to video and at the same time my life was getting an upgrade. The year 2010 saw me get fully employed at I.S.U. I remember sharing with you the joy of my good fortune and telling you, now I just might be able to afford to come see you. My luck (our Luck) was turning. Over the few years you have been at the receiving end of announcements of promotion and good fortune in my life. I never felt alone even when at certain points I actually was; you were there for me when it all seemed like my friends who had mattered started moving on.
Later that year in 2010 I finally could afford my own computer and I bought a mini-laptop because I could carry it around anywhere and it’s still serving me to this very day although it’s so well used right now to the point of being annoying. I really need an upgrade as far as that is concerned and it’s definitely next on my check-list of important purchases.

I am gonna cut the long story short. As the successes in my life piled up the one thing that always seemed to in such a vivid manifestation was you. I had everything but you. For years you have been my diary; you know absolutely everything that’s gone o in my life since 2009, my break-up, my half-hearted attempt at dating other girls, my conquests, the new friendships I have developed some of which turned serious but which never amounted to anything because no matter how good a thing I got going for me over here, none of it could ever compare to what I felt for you. Somehow my heart had long decided it was you it had settled on and nothing or no one was going to get that spot in my life.

Things looked really looked hopeless for me in the autumn of 2010. The one thing that I always feared at the back of mind finally came to pass. You met someone and to me I had really lost you. We were after all just close friends because it didn't make sense to hold on to the impossible. Even though we maintained a close personal friendship it just wasn't the same; I was on the road to becoming just somebody you used to know. I licked my wounds, nursed my sorrows and hoped that one day I would get a chance to fight for you because I felt it was an unfair battle since my competition was in close proximity with you and I was all the way over here in bloody Uganda.
I was happy that you were happy. This kind of happiness can only be described this way …

“love is when you say you just want her to be happy when in reality you can’t afford your own happiness, when inside you’re fallin to pieces and u would still give anything to see her smile.”

I didn't quite believe he could make you as happy as I could have I admit but maybe he did, I was just too proud to admit that someone could steal your heart, the truth is, I was afraid to admit just how much I loved you for fear of ruining your happiness. That I could quite never get over you no matter how hard I pretended to be nothing but just a friend (am pathetic I know) so for almost a year I told myself I was just a friend and I listened to your stories about him and refusing to wish they were stories about me. The harder I fought to deny what I felt the more I felt for you. By the beginning of winter 2010 we decided to cut down on the communication. I buried myself in my work and my career; I swam harder, faster, more desperately, I took out all my energy and my frustrations on the water, I worked out beyond my breaking point and no matter how much faster my swim times got the less it meant to me and the more I wanted to achieve, I thought the satisfaction I needed was to swim my very bestest, way beyond it; to achieve greatness in the one thing I had left that I was really good at and I swam mercilessly much more. I reduced my personal best times in the 50m butterfly twice that year, I had gone to Rwanda for competitions and back and prepared for Dubai. I immersed myself in trying to drown my feelings for you and for a while it looked like it was working. I started feeling like my life was getting back to normal and I was rising up from the earth. I declared myself back on the market-the dating market. I felt like I had gotten control of my life, like you were not such a big deal to me anymore. I told myself that it wasn't meant to be and finally I could stop deluding myself that there was ever gonna be a future for us together. It had gone on way too long and I needed to move on and live my life; that I didn't have a plan in sight; that I should stop torturing myself with the hope that we could one day ever be and in my focus to tell myself this, I’d actually started to believe it, so why did I still feel like it was the biggest tragedy in my life?

Finally the year 2010 rolled to an end. For a while I was consumed by the excitement of achieving another step in my swimming career by not only making it to the 10th FINA short course world swimming champs but also improving my times and breaking my personal best and also the national 50m fly record. My life was a success and I was the most eligible bachelor in town or so I felt. It was time to have some fun. Good thing I had some great friends in my life too and I settled down to simply enjoy the good fortune of being a single unhinged full-blooded Ugandan male with time to kill and money to blow.
BADMAN ENERGY
 Waste I did. I spent it on partying, taking strange girls on mini dates here and there but most importantly building my real friendships; that wasn't a waste. We had great quality time and I started the BADMAN ENERGY boys nights out which was basically one night reserved for hard partying with my boys only. We got to let loose and drink ourselves silly and just be boys. The page I developed on Facebook had the most appropriate email badman.nolove@facebook.com it was a declaration that I didn't need the lovey dovey things in life as long as I got my boys; I had my team and my work place and my wolf pack; I was untouchable and this worked for me for a long while and I seemed to be happy to be a free stallion.

Of course I kept you updated of all this. Somehow no matter how great the girls I met during this period, I could not bring myself to commit to them, none of them ever made me picture any sort f future with them in it so it wasn't an appealing prospect to pursue anything; I hadn't reached the point where somebody could get me as much as you do. I missed you and I didn't even realize it, my heart never bought that charade of a life free of you- it loved you still … and I did too.

Then one day in early 2011 you mentioned something that made me stop; pause everything and really listen to what you had to say. You told me that it didn't work out with the guy you were dating and you had ended it. I genuinely felt sorry for the guy who had the bad sense to not recognize the good girl he had and had just lost. How could anybody be that stupid and from feeling sorry I got a lil mad that he didn't cherish you as much as you deserved or else he would  have given you the time you deserved; he did not put you above his work and he lost you … his loss!

Well that was the beginning of a good thing for us. I was still pretty much a constant presence in your life so it went from vague to clearer presence; it has never been any less clear since then. 
So Shanghai happened and then just after I decided I needed to do something about you. Take a step towards you. Establish more than an emotional connection; I needed a physical connection to reassure me that the last 2 years were not an emotional illusion, to reaffirm that what you meant to me was not just a figment of my imagination.
One calm Sunday evening when I was chilling with one of my best buds Robert enjoying a few drinks, the catching up and just co-existing with our gadgets as we hang online we started talking about making a trip outside of Uganda together again in a non official mission, not swimming for a swimming competition or for business, just a vacation somewhere to just let loose and have a good time. We realized that the last time we traveled anywhere together was to Belgrade and that brought back memories of my time with you so we checked for great destinations and for the first time I discovered how affordable a flight to Europe could be hhmmmmmm …
Two days later we settled on Austria. It was finally time to mention it to you. I told you about it and I was surprised by how excited you came when I mentioned I was coming back to Europe! You excitedly told me you could join me there for a lovely long awaited reunion. That I declare was the best news I ever received in my life. The pieces were finally fitting into place, the picture of us together was finally taking shape, it reminded me of a jigsaw puzzle we had back at home that we spent a whole year solving and somehow we were that puzzle, no matter how long it took, it was finally completed, the most difficult puzzle I have ever worked on, it was huge and the pieces so little that each section was painfully slowly put into its rightful place, the picture we fit together was so breathtakingly beautiful I couldn’t remember how tough it had been to create and here we were at the brink of completion, just like that picture. The thought of finally being able to meet you in person and spend almost 3 great weeks in your company was beyond exciting. It’s the one thing I realized I’d been waiting to hear for a long time. My dreams were finally coming true. That’s exactly what it felt like hearing you say that.
It was a dream come true and what made it even more exciting is that you too felt the same. It was time we met and found out if this was gonna work for us or not, if we just fantasized about something that wasn't really real. Time for a reality check; that was exactly what we needed and here was an opportunity for that and winter in Vienna seemed like the perfect opportunity.
I can’t begin to describe the feeling I had during those few months of planning for Vienna. The excited conversations we had; we built castles in the air and painted them with the most colorful descriptions; we envisioned the most perfect holiday and with the help of Roberts contacts and foster family in Vienna, the plans were coming around beautifully. I ran around applying for a Visa, getting insurance and supporting documents from our hosts who were financing our holiday, we felt like the luckiest young couple in the world; my life was soaring to a climax and I wasn't alone, I was riding it with you. As the days drew closer the more the anticipation built up and the nervousness kicked in because I didn't quite know which girl I was gonna find when I stepped off of that plane in Vienna, would it be the girl I had kissed so passionately 2 years before or a different person altogether?
I knew I had to find out and finally the day came to pick up my travel documents, I was all set and I walked confidently into the German Embassy of Uganda, my heart beating with all the great dreams and expectations of the past several months and after a little waiting I was called to pick up my passport and I was told

“Your visa got denied …”

I had done everything they asked me to. I had no doubt that I had handed in every requirement, there was no way I had not prepared everything they had asked to grant me a visa. I could not begin to express the pain of my disappointment; having your dreams and hopes come crushing down again. I frantically tried to salvage the situation by appealing for the visa but it was too late. 2 weeks later my fate was sealed, I was never to meet the girl of my dreams in a beautiful city in Europe, I was never to see you that year; it looked like we were never gonna be able to meet. I had the money for a ticket but not the entry I needed. All our plans had come to nothing; we were back to our starting point. Heartbroken, devastated and inconsolable I walked away …

Post Script
Dear Peaches,
This is by far not the end of our story and you very well know that the next chapter after this is so beautiful I don’t know if I will ever find the right words to express the next chapter. I hope you followed all the links to this story that has evolved over the past week after my birthday, I woke up fired up enough to attempt to write this story in one day on the morning of the 29th Dec. 2012 but finally here is what I had wanted to express all those years before but hadn’t gotten round to doing.
I wanted to write to you something so beautiful you smile until it makes you cry. I hope I have been able to or at least in your heart I have accomplished to make you come to the conclusion that you are just the best I ever had.
I have waited all my life to finally say this to the right girl. At the time I wrote it, I didn't know who exactly that person would turn out to be, but now I know for sure that all those six years before you were the one I was writing this for …
If I had a wish, I would wish for you to never leave my side, without you am eternally incomplete, no one understands my need more than you, I see something special when I look into your eyes and thank God that I met you. If you could read my mind, you would understand that there are things that I feel too deeply to put into words …. They are predominantly about you, that you were meant to be, meant for me. It delights me to watch you come up to me, put your arms around me and hold me in a warm embrace, I can only feel climactic happiness and I am forever reminded that it is love, always was love, sweet soothing love, it even appeals to the diabetic, touching the very soul and send it tingling and shivering with smoldering passion of such intensity it hurts to even think of with out really experiencing. I asked God to give me an answer to all my yearnings and he sent you, wonderful you, to keep and to hold. I wanted nothing less. To tolerate each others point of view, to accept without judgement. To give and to take without ever keeping score and to be there as I am for them as they’re for me, to comfort our sorrows, to celebrate our joys. We cant be friends because am still in love with you, I ain't no fool I know money can't buy me love and I know you don’t believe in fairy tales but if you did, I’d want to be your knight in shining armor     
Volim te
Always
Chocolate.

Happy New Year :)

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